January 19, 2015
The 5 Love Languages
Happy Monday!! We hope you are enjoying this crazy January weather as much as we are!
This weekly blog has been so encouraging for me, because it reminds me of how to be the best wife I can be, and it’s our hope that it encourages you, too! It’s funny how giving advice on a topic can make you oh, so aware of where you fall short!
We talked about Emotional Needs and the book “His Needs, Her Needs” last week. That was the first book that Reid and I were instructed to read during our separation, and it was life-changing! The second book we read was “The Five Love Languages,” by Gary Chapman. It is a New York Times best seller, and rightfully so. HIGHLY RECOMMEND!
Love languages are very similar to emotional needs. A love language is simply the thing that makes you feel the most loved. The list of emotional needs is fairly long, but there are only five core love languages:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality Time
- Receiving gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
.During the first couple of years of our marriage I worked a job that allowed me to be off work all day on Wednesdays. I would spend several hours during the day doing house work, grocery shopping, deep cleaning, organizing, etc. My primary reason for doing it wasn’t because it needed to be done or because I enjoyed it- I did it because I wanted to make my husband happy and feel loved when he got home from work that night. And guess what? Yes, he was thankful and kind about it, but it didn’t do much else for him. Which hurt my feelings and made me resentful over time. Why?
Acts of service is my love language. Because it is my primary language, I speak it fluently, unlike the other four. I naturally wanted to show my love to my husband by doing the things that made me feel loved.
Chapman says this in his book:
“Most of us grow up learning the language of our parents and siblings, which becomes our primary or native tongue. Later we may learn additional languages- but usually with much more effort. These become our secondary languages. We speak and understand best our native language.
That was the case for Reid- he grew up watching his dad show love to his mom by giving her sweet gifts and speaking words of affirmation. Naturally, Reid learned to show love to me by giving me gifts and telling me I’m beautiful. Yes, I LOVE those things, but because he rarely did any acts of service, it didn’t make me feel loved.
We were on an extremely slippery slope (hence the separation). I showed him love the way I wanted to be shown love, and vice versa. Neither one of us was speaking a language the other could understand, which resulted in our emotional needs never being met, which led to resentment and hurt.
Now I know that I can make my husband’s day by using kind, uplifting words, and he knows that the way to my heart is by doing the dishes and taking out the trash. Everything else is just a bonus!
Challenge for this week: TALK to your partner about the love languages and TOGETHER try to identify what your primary love languages are. Next, make a plan to speak his/her language every day for the next week and watch the beauty unfold!
Have a fabulous week!
Brittany 🙂
