The Trouble With Happiness

Julie and John were crazy in love and intended to spend the rest of their lives together. All of their friends told them they were “a match made in heaven” and were perfect for each other. They treated each other well and hardly ever fought. Sounds like a great love story, right? Around the time that Julie and John celebrated their one-year dating anniversary, things started getting weird. John seemed down all of the time, and didn’t show much interest in spending time with Julie. Their hour-long talks on the phone every night turned into 5 minute-long talks with 4 minutes of silence. Julie wondered what she did wrong, why all of the sudden John didn’t seem to love her anymore.

It wasn’t long before they had “the talk.” John told Julie that she didn’t make him happy anymore. He needed someone in his life who could make him happy, and that wasn’t her. Julie was shattered at the sound of John’s words. “I didn’t make him happy. I loved him with all of my heart, but I couldn’t make him happy.” Those words resounded in her head for months. In her mind, she was a failure.

Hey you, are you happy right now? Sitting on your couch, at your desk chair, in the drive-through at Chic-fil-A, wherever you are right now, whatever you are doing… do you feel happy? Here are the first two definitions of the word “happy,” as defined by dictionary.com:

1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing: to be happy to see a person.
2. characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy: a happy mood; a happy frame of mind.

In the first definition, the phrase “over a particular thing;” and in the second, the word “mood” are the game changers. Happiness is purely circumstantial. When John went more than 4 hours without eating, he wasn’t happy. When Julie had to deal with too many cranky customers at work that day, she was not happy. How, then, is it fair to categorize your relationship with another human being with being hungry or having a bad day? That’s because it’s not. Let’s just go ahead and call that what it is: stupid.

It’s highly probable that you’re thinking to yourself, perhaps even telling me through your phone or computer screen, that it’s pointless to be with someone who doesn’t make you happy. I agree! Sort of. If happiness is the result of a particular thing, mood, or circumstance, then shouldn’t we turn our focus to the cause of it? What if every doctor only focused on their patients’ symptoms, and never searched for the cause? What a mess! Happiness is a symptom, not a cure.

Julie eventually realized that John was the one failing at relationships, not her. They were ultimately not right for each other, so it was a good thing that everything worked out how it did. Julie’s discovery that happiness is a fleeting emotion led her to search for the root of a “happy” relationship.

We want to give you a challenge for this week. As you go throughout your day, try to pinpoint your emotional triggers. When you notice yourself feeling happy, what caused it? If something or someone upsets you, what did they do or say? Better yet, what did they not do or not say? Write those things down, type them in your phone, tell Siri, whatever.

Being happy in a relationship boils down to pretty much one thing: are your emotional needs being met? That might sound a little selfish, but it’s not. If you are a human, which I assume you are, you have emotional needs. God created all of us with a unique set, and most of us do not even know we have them, let alone our significant other! How on earth can we expect someone to make us happy when we do not even know how to make us happy?!

Next Monday we will elaborate more on what emotional needs are, how to identify them, and how ignoring them will ruin your relationship.

Have a fabulous week, friends!

PS- We want to hear YOUR voice! Please feel free to share any insight or personal experiences! And as always, if you are struggling in your relationship, you can ALWAYS reach out to us, day or night.

Brittany’s contact: 501-504-5303 or brigganphoto@yahoo.com

Reid’s contact: 501-472-7472 or rrigganphoto@gmail.com