A Tribute to Nicki

To be honest, this is a blog I thought I would never write. The largest reason is because I never dreamed I would ever part ways with the animal that I have called my “child” for the last 14 years (over half my life). Once the decision was made to find a new family to call her their child, I never dreamed I would be remotely close to okay with it, much less happy about it. But God (two of my favorite words) has been concocting this beautiful plan for years, that none of us knew a thing about. He likes doing that, doesn’t He? He takes a seemingly devastating situation and actually gives us tremendous joy and blessings beyond our imaginations. Last Sunday, He did just that. Not just for me, but for my whole family, a little girl named Sydney who has been fighting cancer like a true cowgirl, her whole family, and everyone who has ever been lucky enough to know the most incredible horse I’ve ever known.

The horse genes run deep in my family. My dad’s dad, my mom’s dad, my great grandfather- it’s in the blood. I was bitten by the horse bug at about 2 years old, then started taking riding lessons at a barn down the road from my house when I was 10. I fell in love with one of the horses there and was determined to save as much money as possible to buy her. Little did I know that my Pop, my mom’s dad, was about to give me a birthday present that would change my life. We went to visit Pop and Nanny in Louisiana a few days after my 11th birthday, and to see their two new Paint foals. When we got there, they took us out to the pasture and showed us all of their horses, and told us all about the 2 2-month-old fillies, particularly the one named Nicki. Pop began to read a letter, which explained the transfer of ownership from Buddy Keeth to Brittany Buck. That was a huge moment for everyone, so it’s too bad I wasn’t paying any attention and didn’t hear what he said! I was zoned out watching the horses and daydreaming of riding. When I didn’t respond, they got my attention and said “Brittany, Nicki is yours!” I was so in shock, it really didn’t register what was happening. All I remember is responding with “I have a horse??” And so it began!

My Papaw, my dad’s dad, took Nicki to his barn when she was 4 months old and raised her. He also lived in Louisiana, so I would go visit as often as I could. I would spend a week at a time there and Papaw taught me all about horsemanship. When Nicki turned 2, he taught me how to train a horse to be ridden. I was the first person to put a saddle on her, the first person to ride her, fall off of her, jump her, ride her bareback, and all of the other firsts. Nicki was my best friend. My parents knew that this was a long-term deal, so they started looking for land to buy to build a house and barn. My Nana and Papaw wanted to move to Arkansas to be closer to us, so they and my parents bought land together, built their houses, a barn and lots of T-posts. My life changed again when Nicki moved to my backyard. For years I had to go weeks, maybe months, without seeing her, and I was finally able to care for her myself.

In the coming years, Nicki and I went through a lot together. When the trials of teenage-hood felt impossible to overcome, she was my listening ear. She willingly let me try new things, like barrel racing (that didn’t last long!), but her favorite thing was jumping. The higher the jump, the happier the horse. Some days she didn’t feel like it (a typical girl) and did whatever she could to get me off her back. I am all too familiar with chiropractor, thanks to that! When I rescued my Thoroughbred, Liberty, I started letting other young girls ride Nicki so she could teach them the ropes. I wish I had kept count of all the kids she taught to ride.

When I got engaged, I knew I wanted to have my bridal portraits taken with Nicki. She was such a good sport! After I got married and moved away, I continued to give lessons on her, which she LOVED. If you don’t know what a happy horse looks like, it looks like Nicki when a little girl gives her a hug. And oh, does she give good hugs 🙂

Once my student got a horse of her own, and didn’t need to ride Nicki anymore, I had to think about what step to take next. I found a trainer who was in need of a lesson horse, and agreed to take care of Nicki for me. For the next several years, that’s what we did. She moved from barn to barn, rider to rider. Whoever needed a good horse to ride, and was trustworthy to take care of my girl, that’s where she would go. I always felt so guilty passing her around like that. I wanted her to be able to stay somewhere for longer than 6 months or a year. To have a home with someone who loved her as much as I did. But there was no way on earth I would consider selling her. I still had to imagine in my head of her living in my backyard, growing old with me. When I had children, they would grow up with her, and learn to ride on her. I couldn’t let that go.

As you see, God had a different plan for my life. He replaced the dream of living on a farm with traveling with my husband as a wedding photographer. The plans I always had were changing, and I couldn’t let go. I wanted this new life, but somehow hold on to the old life. As time went on, God started nudging me about Nicki’s future, and about my family’s future. Over the course of about 2 years, I fought with God about it. I felt Him telling me the time was coming to sell her, but I couldn’t handle it. 6 months ago, though, I reluctantly gave in to His prompting and made the decision to find a new family for Nicki. I told different trainers who I trusted that I was going to sell her, and I prayed. What happened next completely blows my mind.

Word got around that she was for sale and I was contacted by several different people. They were all good situations, but just didn’t work out. Then one day I received a Facebook message from a girl I’ve known for a long time, but haven’t spoken with in years. She was an intern for the Make A Wish Foundation, and was looking for a horse for a Wish child. Children diagnosed with any type of cancer are granted their greatest wish, and Sydney’s was a horse. When I read that message, a quiet peace consumed me. I wasn’t sad, but excited.

Last Sunday was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. My two-year prayer/battle was answered. My parents’ prayers were answered. This family’s prayers for their precious daughter were answered. All of my grandparents’, who have prayed God’s best for me and Nicki for 14 years, prayers were answered. And a sweet little 4-year-old girl, who has been through so much already, was granted her greatest wish, just like mine was all those years ago.

Nicki is going to change their lives. Sydney is going to change Nicki’s life. I can say from experience, that there is no greater gift for a child than the love and responsibility of a horse. Caring for my horses taught me valuable life lessons at an early age. While other kids were playing video games, watching TV, and going to the movies, I was trekking out to the barn in the pouring rain in my muck boots a ball cap to get my horses out of the rain. I was mucking their stalls, cleaning their water buckets and getting hay in my hair ( and down my shirt, in my pockets, in my shoes…). I can tell you right now that I would not be half the person I am today without my horses. Without Nicki. Without the love of my grandparents and my parents.

I cannot say thank you enough to my incredible partner in life, Reid, for taking these beautiful photos of Sydney’s Wish Reveal.

My sweet husband helped me get the closure I needed by photographing me with Nicki one last time. I can’t even begin to explain how much these photos mean to me.